Say what?
Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten to put my wedding ring back on after the workout. The lady apparently thought I'd been dumped by a girl and, in my despair, had gone to Macey's grocery store so I could drown my sorrows in a quart of chocolate milk.
Yes. That is exactly what had happened.
I was dumped by a girl. Except replace "dumped by a girl" with "almost died doing my first full, olympic-distance triathlon workout but without any calories or water and in the middle of a scorching July afternoon." You'll also need to replace "drown my sorrows" with "attempt to avoid going to the hospital for heat exhaustion, dehydration and calorie-deficiency." Finally, replace "quart of chocolate milk" with "quart of chocolate milk."
Yep. With Melinda out of town and the olympic-distance Spudman Triathlon coming up in 6 weeks, I had decided to try and do (for the first time ever and without wife supervision) a back-to-back-to-back workout simulating the actual race. 1 mile swim, 24 mile bike, and 6 mile run. With only a bottle of water. At 1:30pm on a July afternoon. With no clouds in the sky.
Fast forward three and a half hours to me shaking, sweating and groaning at the table in Macey's. If I would have been able to speak, I would have told the lady that I was actually happily married and that, if she didn't mind, would she please call an ambulance while I went outside to throw up all the chocolate milk?
I don't know how much water weight I lost that day, but let's just say that the rest of the night I just tried to eat and drink everything I could:
- 20 oz water
2 large oranges
2 regular arby's roast beef sandwiches
16oz soda
5 hr energy drink
44 oz soda
44 oz water
44 oz water
Mcdonalds value fries
Double Cheeseburger
Medium smoothie
...And I still weighed a pound less than I did that morning.
Here's the RunKeeper record of my swim (http://rnkpr.com/a6uyz3), bike (http://rnkpr.com/a6uved) and run (http://rnkpr.com/a6ux6f). Note my poor time on the run. I walked most of the 6 miles because my body was shutting down and I couldn't run or even lightly jog. I had no idea I was in trouble physically. I just thought I was wimping out and kept trying to psych myself up.
So, with such a horrible experience with the olympic distance a mere 6 weeks before the actual race, how did I actually do at the Spudman Triathlon? That will have to wait for another post, but here is a sneak peek:
6 comments:
Ah, that Joseph humor. I need more of that in my life! Wish I lived closer or had the means to travel more often so I could see you guys. We miss you terribly!
Glad you didn't die...that would've set you back for the race! And at least there are people out there who care enough to give you a pat on the back, even if they are rooting for you for the wrong reason ;)
Love you bro! I'm sure you smoked the Spudman!
Ha ha! Oh my gosh, for the first 4 paragraphs I thought it was Melinda writing the post and I was SO confused :-) I was like, why would a lady assume that a pregnant lady was a lesbian.... anyway- that's funny. Sorry Joseph!
Haha! I thought the same thing as Stephanie! I was really confused too. Kudos to you though for not dying and for actually completing a Spudman race!
This is why you need to blog more Joseph. Always so entertaining! : ) Glad you didn't die and that you hopefully learned some valuable lessons from that awful run through!
Seriously dying to hear about the actual race. Thanks for the sneak peek though, Bree is such a good little talker! So stinking cute!
This was a fantastic story. It should be adapted for film.
SO FUNNY. I'm happy to see this post because it tells me you survived all the trauma. And good luck with your triathalon! Maybe someday I'll work up to an Olympic one...
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